It’s been almost two and a half months since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I cannot describe the love I have for this child. It is overwhelming at times. Not surprisingly, until sitting down to work on this blog, I have never once given any thought to the fact that my daughter and I do not have a genetic link. My daughter is so much a part of me that I really just do not think about genes at all. I just enjoy watching my daughter develop before my eyes. I love witnessing her feisty personality and I often wonder what she will look like when she gets older. While I realize that much of who she is was determined by the genes she received from the egg and sperm donors, this has never detoured me from thinking that my daughter is any less MY child.
Maybe I feel that way because I grew up with a step-dad. My parent’s divorced when I was a baby and my mom remarried when I was five. My step-dad assumed the role of my dad. Essentially, I am my step-dad’s daughter. He was an incredible man. He was honorable, loving and kind. He loved science fiction, music and the arts in general. So it may not be surprising that I have an intense appreciation for all things Star Trek and that my taste in music is eclectic. My step-dad was the one constant voice inside my head guiding me in life...always encouraging me to do the right thing. I’ve become the woman I am today because of my step-dad. There has never been a time when I thought he was not my dad because we did not share the same genes.
However, I realize that for some people the lack of biological connection is a big reason that they decide against embryo donation. Admittedly, my husband and I have not yet told many friends or relatives that our beautiful daughter resulted from a donated embryo. Not because we are ashamed, or because we want to keep it a secret forever. We just thought that it might be best for these family members to get to know our daughter and develop a relationship with her before hearing our story. The family and friends we have told have been nothing but loving and supportive.
The one issue we wrestle with is when we should tell our daughter about the circumstances of her birth. We both feel that she should know as early as possible. However, I would like the topic to begin immediately when she’s old enough to understand even the most basic definition of her conception. From what I’ve read, experts say the topic should be an evolving conversation; a process more or less. As our daughter matures we should introduce the more complex details. While I tend to agree, my husband still wants to do some more reading. The issue is really not significantly more challenging than a more traditional “adoption” situation. Thankfully, we have some time to read as much as possible before coming to a decision. Whatever we do decide, it will ultimately be what is best for our daughter. How we go about telling her we will save for another post!
If you are considering Embryo Donation and have questions, please feel free to post a comment or send me an email at Warrellje@gmail.com.
